“The person for you is someone who is secure in who they are and not intimidated by you being who you are,” says Nelson.“Sometimes people close off if they sense that you are not being your authentic self.” No need to hide your less cool, glamorous, or conventionally feminine or attractive qualities.

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“Keep doing the things that fill you up as a person, and if he or she wants to be a part of that, great!

A relationship is supposed to enhance your life, not be the focus of it.” Preach.

Not that that’s necessarily what you want—and if you’re getting laid and happy about it, more power to you.

But if what you’re looking for is an actual relationship that might lead to something like a lifetime (or at least long-term) partnership, you’d be wise to arm yourself with ways to help you sift through all the dudes you meet, date, and sleep with, and focus on the ones with real relationship potential. I’m not saying you should go all and start playing hard to get, but you can save yourself a ton of time and energy that might otherwise be spent seeing emotionally unavailable, immature, incompatible, or game-playing men by using a few smart tactics.

“Time after time, I have clients who do this and end up realizing that attraction was leading the relationship.” Sex is key—but it’s not enough.

Don’t be one of those people who hangs around, taking a hookup’s booty calls or inconsistent texts to meet up, hoping that one day this person will change and fall in love with you.

“If someone is into you, you don’t have to convince them of your worthiness, or make them see how much of a gem you are,” says Nelson.

“Trust yourself and your gut: If you let go of the insecurities and mental chatter, you’ll know what to do and who is right for you.” If you’ve given it a fair shot, and a decent amount of time to find out who they are, give yourself a little tough love and delete that person from your life.

Having a physical connection is certainly a priority for any long-term relationship; but if you’re consistently hooking up with someone who you’re wondering about dating long-term, make sure there’s more going on, too.