Up until now we discussed the ends and outs of friends with benefits.

Which leads me to introducing a revolutionary idea.

What if marriage was more like friends with benefits? I’m not trying to suggest that chemistry isn’t important. At the end of the day they can still be your best friend. And that should be at the core of a successful long term relationship. They are a part of what makes the relationship work because they require us to be vulnerable and intimate with our partner.

They’re doing the same job, but with cooler music or flashing lights, or some newlywed preacher with a fauxhawk who mentions every five minutes how hot his wife is and how great his sex life is because he waited.

That’s not what this young person wants, and I think I speak for many others.

This is a much an insecurity and the inability to make decisions.

What about the concept of practicing what you preach?

The evangelical church (in general–every time I paint the church in broad strokes like this I get people who share church experiences that look nothing like the picture I’ve just created, and that’s awesome! “We need to do a better job of talking about sex” usually means “we need to dress up the same discussions we’ve been having so that they seem more modern and cool and appeal more to young people.” But here’s a news flash, churches: Young people aren’t stupid.

I love hearing about your positive church experiences! We know these types of churches aren’t doing a “better” job of talking about sex.

And we’ve learned that the friendship is what the real benefit to any relationship is.

In fact, the “benefits” pale in comparison to any real deep friendship. They do draw us closer and are essential to a healthy romantic long-term relationship.

We’ve learned how easy it is to fall in love with someone you are physical with and end up getting hurt.